Misanthropy
The people of this earth are little more than a waste of compounds and atomic particles that could be feeding a planet that should simply hasten the inevitable and hurl itself into the sun as soon as possible.
As I drove Wes to work this morning in the darkness--I noticed that I could see stars--we witnessed the retarded culmination of inbreeding in Arizona: the three-car rear-end pileup resulting from too many idiots watching the unfolding drama of a car on the side of the road. The were in the lane to our left.
I listened to TOOL on the way home. I hate everyone today. I wished that the pre-dawn darkness would stay, and send all of my fellow Phoenicians into a frenzy of teeth-gnashing and swollen tears for lack of sunlight. Just one day.
All you know about me is what I've sold you, Dumb fuck.
I've had all I can stand of the depraved dipshits that send me instant messages during the day, despite the fact that my profile says I am married. I chose to block everyone, at first. Then, I simply turned the chat software off. There's no one that I want to talk to so badly that I need the immediacy of chat to annoy me.
**JF** and I are no longer speaking. I supposed I fancied him a friend at one point, but he has shown the bastardly side of his nature too often. Most recently, he took advantage of an opportunity to use the information I had given him about my weakenesses in the past, and the tremendous amount I had suffered, to mock and insult me. Apparently, he finds my pain tiresome to the point that he'd rather ridicule me than respect that I have survived a great deal in my life. The last words between us came from me. I told him to go fuck himself.
He clearly doesn't miss me, and I only miss him in the way that you miss a papercut in the center of your thumb once it has healed: you go back to using it, as before.
Still, I had to enjoy getting that little point of view from the outside. From someone who was disagreeable for their own reasons. Going against the grain has benefits.
"These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust."
I think I have finally chosen to grow up and put aside my childish things, for now. Including sex, which had been given way too much importance in my life and my identity in the past. I used to tell people that I was a sexual creature by nature. I suppose that marriage voids that part of my past. I can look forward to a long, happy life full of other things, now. Now, other things matter.
Sort of the way that faith ceased to matter.
Choices always were a problem for you. What you need is someone strong to guide you.
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