Don't Hitch Your Wagon to a Star
unless it feels good to do so.
I was chatting with a guy today who was online looking for friends and he found me. (**TS**, I know what you are thinking, but it never turned out like that.) He was a married guy in California, talking to me about my life. We argued becuase his reasoning was that I should be happy with my life because I had Wes, just like his whole happiness rested in his wife and kids.
If the ultimate goal in your life is to be a father and husband, then envy this guy, because he has reached the apex of success. Personally, I have other goals than to be somebody's wife. Furthermore, I don't think my happiness resides in the being of my partner; happiness is inside of me. No one can give me happiness if I don't have it already.
It's important, I think, to feel good about how you react to a person. If you like who you are when you are around someone, that means more than how you feel about them. You can admire them, but if they make you feel bad about yourself, it's no good.
I have admired, adored, or loved many a man or woman in my life, to no avail. I thought my feelings for them would sustain me, despite how desperate, angry, or pathetic they made me feel. I was wrong.
I have spent many years hiding the embarassments of my emotional past. I look at it like this: If we were everything we ever wanted to be in our youth, the rest of our life would be pretty pointless, wouldn't it?
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