Masterminx

The Meek shall inherit the Earth, but the Stupid will make it not worth having.

Yesterday, I was driving Wes to work in an unusual patch of bumper-to-bumper, crawl along traffic. I wondered aloud if the congestion was caused by the influx of tourist traffic that usually hits Arizona this time of year--referred to locally as "snowbirds". Yeah, you older folks just enjoy having that godforsaken Anne Murray song in your head for the next hour. Wes just shrugged, and we inched along toward our goal.

When we got to the last leg of our trip, (we switch freeways three times), we found that the pace had picked up to about 35-40 mph, but the road was more crowded than ever. I was stuck in the far left lane after the on-ramp, but needed to get over quickly to exit at the third ramp ahead. I turned on my signal about two miles from the exit, so I could make the lane changes in time. Unfortunately, two things prevented anyone in the lanes to my right from even noticing that I wanted to get over, let alone make room for me: 1) they were all rubber-necking like the bastards they are, looking at the debris and police vehicles on the shoulder, and 2) some stupid jerk in a giant black Dodge truck was so close to my bumper, no one coming from behind could tell I was there. I mean, he was so close to us that I could only see the top tip of his headlights in my rear-view mirror, despite the fact that his front bumper was even with the top of my trunk.

I couldn't speed up because I only had about a half car-length between my car and the car ahead of me. I tapped my brakes a few times in the universal signal for "quit tailgating me, douchebag", but he persisted. Still, to my right, nobody was even looking at me. A couple of cars almost rammed us, trying to get left because they couldn't see us around the big truck, and it would make no sense for a car to be in that space because he was so close. Wes was keeping an eye out for a space to the right, and I was trying not to hit the guy ahead of us. I knew we'd miss our exit if people couldn't see us and let us over. So, I did what anyone would do.

I rolled down my window and motioned the guy back with one finger. The one finger. Wes was still looking for a way over, so he didn't notice. The guy in the truck honked his horn and I saw his headlights disappear in my mirror as he moved even closer. I laughed, daring him to hit us with a bevy of highway patrol cars lining the road next to us. Seconds later, a pocket opened ahead of the rubberneckers, and we were able to dart across to our exit, leaving the Dodge driver to over-rev his engine and speed ahead to the next pocket of traffic like the ass that he was. Wes began to rant about beating all of the rubber-neckers with golf clubs, and I was happy to just be out of it.

I hate stupid people.

This morning, I was telling Wes about my great nature film idea. You see, I have had reptiles as pets for almost ten years. In that time, the one universal truth that I have discovered is that there is little to no information available about the natural habitat and behaviors of the reptiles that are available in the pet trade.

I think a nature film--or series of them--about the natural habitat, social behavior, eating habits, mating habits, and predatory relationships of the lizards and snakes that people keep as pets would help pet owners to take better care of them. I think there would be a pretty good market for them, because that kind of thing doesn't exist. I would love to see Water Dragons or the Uromastyx Maliensis in nature. Or, geckos, bearded dragons, skinks, chameleons, basilisks, whatever. I don't think it would hurt to educate people on what the pet trade is doing to the species that have been over-hunted, either.

Damn! If only I had some pull with a producer or something.

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