Masterminx

I had an unpleasant dream this morning. Dreams like this one make me think about feeling or thoughts in real life that I have supressed or dismissed.

I seem to be having frequent, mild nightmares, lately. I recently had a dream about someone killing Sweetpea--other than myself. (I daydream about throwing him out the window sometimes.) I was very upset in the dream, however. Someone had strangled him with a rubber band. It was horrible, and I woke up crying. I suppose I have to admit that I would hate to see any harm come to the little bastard, despite his often-bad behavior. Honestly, I think the dream came from 1) eating dinner way too late in the evening; and 2) I had been talking about my finches dying--a very sad situation--earlier that afternoon.

Today's dream was not really associated with any recent conversation. The cerebrum must have been playing a monthly top 40, backed up with the fact that I went to bed with a full stomach.

I had a dream about my mother coming to visit me. Not my legal mother, but my birth mother. The one I don't like. In the dream, I hated her so much, but I had to be nice because that is what nice people do. I try to be nice. She appeared to have all silver hair that was cut to shoulder length--not at all like she looked when last I saw her. She was making me very uncomfortable by criticizing everything I have become. She argued with me, and said that I was weak for complaining about my childhood. She told me that nothing that happened to me was all that bad, and her life was much worse. I had no right to complain.

She was mean to Wes, too. She brought us a box of canned goods, but most of them were dented and bloated with botulism. We had to accept them graciously.

All I can take from that is that I am not ready to ever speak to her. I think it's safe to say that, while I would not expend any effort to focus hatred on her, I am not ready to forgive her. She is still not welcome in my life because she offers nothing but destruction, manipulation, and falseness.

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