Healing Slow
The cold is almost gone. I know you all care, so I thought I would share. I'm just a little bit sniffly, and a little bit coughy. And she's a little bit country, and he's a little bit rockandroll.
Fuck, ok. I was born in the seventies. I had that crap implanted in my head when I was very small and impressionable. So young, in fact, that I had no idea why Donnie Osmond had that ridiculous bulge in the front of his extremely tight white bell-bottoms. My, how we've all grown: me into...well, this, and Donnie into a raging flamer and a general waste of flesh with big, white teeth. Who knew he'd be so lame?
I am hoping that the cold's passing will take the twisted dreams with it, but I don't think that will be the case. The dreams are not a result of fever or illness. They are coming from the medication I take to keep from screaming at everyone who does something stupid in my presence. The medication that makes me mellow and takes away my natural spark. It makes me calm when I'd normally seethe, but it makes my dreams into a menagerie of the insane.
Last night, I had a dream that I lost my virginity to Seth Green. It hurt. A lot. I was crying and bleeding in my dream, and very embarrassed about the whole thing. He was not being very cool about it either, so it was pretty awkward. I woke up bleeding. So, weird.
Now there are definite issues with a dream like that. One is that I lost my virginity probably before Seth Green was even born, or at least in his very early childhood. The other is that I would never voluntarily have sex with Seth Green. At all.
Ok, so I looked it up. Seth Green is almost my age. So, he was probably still playing with hot wheels and terrorizing goats under bridges when I lost my virginity. Whatever.
The point is, fucked up dreams have a way of haunting the idle parts of your brain during the day. That sucks. I need to get all "Nightmare on Elm Street sequel with Patricia Arquette" so I can control my dreams and make them suck less or something.
Oh, yeah. I heard a funny thing on the radio this morning. The morning show was talking with Kathy Griffin because she's in town to do a benefit for Body Positive. She kills me, but one thing she said really cracked me up because I didn't expect it. She called Chevy Chase an elitist, erudite A-hole. I thought that was pretty great, because my understanding is that's basically true. I really like it when people tell the truth.
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